Saturday, April 28, 2007

Vatican calls God for an Exemption to Policy..WTF?!

Good news for babies that are aborted from here on out. No Limbo for you!! Straight to Heaven you ill-concieved little bastards!! Thats right the Pope personally called God and and asked that the exception be made.

What does this mean for you, you ask? You're still going to Hell but that baby you made during your binge drinking vacation to Vegas will be on it's way to Heaven, should you decide to have it vaccu-sucked from the cold hard womb of your loved one.

I am to understand that all previously aborted babies and children that didn't get baptized before they died will still remain in Limbo. One Vatican source says "Limbo is a nice place, they have good times." Good times.

For years unbaptized children that died before they could get baptized ended up in Limbo because they were born of sin but not enough sin to go to Hell. I personally believe they only went to Limbo because they weren't allowed to say "Hell".

Limbo...Dante said Limbo was the outer circle of Hell. The Vatican says it a nice place. Does this mean that eveything we've learned about hell is incorrect? Could Hell be the party place? Can we continue fornicating and reveling in our sin in the "New" Hell? What does Heaven hold in store for us? Is Heaven a 24 hour adult video store with cheap hookers or is it a mauntery filled with all the rigid bitches we had to deal with on Earth?

This just goes to show that with enough pressure the Vatican can change anything they want for anything they deem necessary. Undisclosed sources indicate that Charles Manson has personally contacted to the Pope to have policy reviewed in his case.

Believe this blogger will stay on top of this issue and continue to delve into the details.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

My Chance...

Have you ever smelled blood? Have you ever heard the pleas for help from a man that had less than half his face still recognizable? How about sat by as your friend cried for his mother at age 19 knowing he was never going to get to say "I love you" again to her? I haven't. I bet most of us haven't. But I bet a lot of Veterans have.

Most 18 year olds are out partying and getting drunk after highschool. A select few are answering a call of their nation. A select few 18 year olds are sacrificing their last few years as kids to be adults. What does it mean to be an adult. It means facing the pain and suffering of life knowing you can make it better for someone else.

I'm watching all the media about the Anti-War protests and everyone getting upset at the Governement for ot hearing their cries. What happens with that frustration when the Government ignores their cries? Who will recieve the brunt of that anger? Who will suffer the anger of those that sleep in their beds at night and have never seen a gallon of blood soaking into the dirt; blood that once made their friends warm and loving. People that don't have what it takes to ask their neighbors to mow their grass. People that will eat a cold dinner to avoid conflict at a restaraunt.

What's my point huh? I don't remember it but I bet my Dad does; what about all the "Baby Killers of Vietnam"? What about the mis-treatment of young adults that went past young adult to the kind of adult that has seen more than anyone ever deserves to see? What about the childhood that was drenched in blood and deafened by the screams of their friends and fellow soldiers? Where were the protestors while that was happening? Where were all the hateful people that felt since the Governement didn't feel guilty they'd attack the Heroes that returned home to hate. Hadn't they seen enough of it already? Hadn't they seen everything a person should never see in their life?

I'm afraid the Heroes of today are going to return to frustrated civilians with nowhere to place they're hate, but on the Men and Women that sacrificed thriving pieces of their lives to fight for the people the protestors put in power.

I'm afraid America will once again forget what it's done and blame everyone but themselves. The voters laid this foundation and now there is no way to turn away from this trainwreck of conflicts.

You want to protest? Protest your half thought ideas. Protest the spineless America that foresakes their Heroes even after they call them forth. Protest the pathetic ideas of people that just want to be behind a cause with no understanding of what they're behind. Protest yourselves everyday for being so weak and fickle. When the mob wants the fight they squeal with pleasure like hedonists beasts; when the mob wants it to stop they cry like spoiled children.

I protest the America that gave up on the people that made America what it was. I protest your weak hearts and stomachs. I protest your spineless cries for forgiveness over beginning something you have no stomach to finish. I protest you America. You are weak and pathetic. You stand behind your laws and your civil liberties to shield yourselves from the realities of life.

You voted; you started this war; you kept it going. It's your fault not our Soldiers. Their blood spills in a foriegn country while yours boils at your pathetic designs. Their blood streams for their dedication while yours thickens and stops for your lack of dedication.

American people today are not even a shadow of what they once were. We're some softened pathetic bunch of mobsters that want a masacare but don't want to deal with the clean up or the long term consequences.

I stand behind our Soldiers, our Government, and I'll do anything and everything I can, forever more, to help those that served and those that gave for the fickle weak mob. The Soldiers deserve our Nation while you Amercians deserve the scraps. You have called these Men and Women to arms. You pay the consequences for once. You America! You pay the price for the pain you cause your own children. You pay for the price of the blood you asked for.

Protesting now doesn't change your guilt; it only amplifies it. You can't even bear the responsibility of you own choices. Now you have me to blame. Now you have everyone else to blame but yourself.

My tears fall for the Soldiers that have fallen. My heart breaks for the mother that can't tell her son she loves him. For you America, these Men and Women sacrifice themselves. For you America I pray; I pray these soldiers never treat you like you treat them. I pray you never have to taste what it is you force feed down everyones throats. I hope you never have to smell your own blood as it pours from your body. I pray you never have to hear your friends last breath. Finally I pray the blackness of your drying blood is not the last thing you see; I pray you see the face of a Man or Woman coming to your aid, coming to support you when you need it most.

Our Soldiers are tired and worn out and they need our support more now than ever. You've given up America, your Soldiers haven't. They'll never give up on you; do you want to give up on them?

God Bless Our Soldiers. God Bless our Men and Women. God Bless America.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Heaven is Hell these days..

Thunder from Heaven.

Sources in Heaven report the Family isn’t doing so well recently.

“I happened to be sitting out in the hall when the fight began.” A secret source revealed. “All I heard was JC yelling about the dying thing didn’t prove the point to Him (God) and JC said "What am I going to have to do become an Atheist?”"

The Vatican and everyone that relies on religion for money isn’t too keen on this idea. Cardinal Luis Santiago indicates that the Vatican has been considering sacrificing a virgin like in the movie King Kong. “We watched it last week.” the Cardinal said.

“I don’t want anyone to get upset” said the source “but JC is pretty mad. He broke a harp and kicked at a flock of doves.” The source continued “JC isn’t normally like this, you know he hangs out and gives a hand every once in a while, but with all this trouble being caused about Heaven watching everyone all the time, everyone here is stressed out.”

As you may recall from a previous post Heaven is under scrutiny because the world wants to wank in privacy. It has been suggested that heaven only watch during the daylight hours, however some advocacy groups fear the end of the “Nooner” should that happen. Benny Callista of New York City has this to say; “If heaven watches over me during the day when am I going to get my sex on? Huh? I drive a fucking bus at night; when you think I’m gonna get mine, while I’m in the fuckin’ bus?”

Outrage like this can be heard echoing from around the world. What’s even more disconcerting is the question of how can Heaven control who they watch when they’re watching. This is where the pressure on Christ is coming from currently. Unfortunately Christ was unavailable for comment.

It seems Heaven has been Hell lately according to multiple sources. Will Christ become an Atheist? Will Heaven have to stop watching the world at wanking? “Look Christ and his Dad have had fights before,” says one source close to the Family “I mean a guy can’t go much further than getting crucified to prove a point. Oh and you think that was really about mankind? Ha! JC wanted to get a tattoo and his dad wouldn’t let him; point proved if you ask me.”

Public scrutiny of the Family has echoed throughout the ages. Why does a 2000 year old man live with his Dad? Rev. Fred Phelps has been seeking out the gates of Heaven to hold a protest in searching for this answer. We can only hope some crazed gunman will show the Rev. Phelps the way very soon.

As for now though a slight calm has over taken Heaven as they seek to eliminate the sacrilegious blogger that keeps pretending he has clue about anything that goes on. Lets hope they can’t find him.

Shoved Down My Throat Like a...Cold Herring

Gay Penguins at the Central Park Zoo spark controversial response from Anti Gay Church in Topeka Kansas.

Rev. Fred Phelps Sr. is in a pickle on this one. Today the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan protested two gay penguins and two more "light in the loafer" penguins at the Central Park Zoo. Phelps insists that gay animals should be struck down and sent to hell. He and his wife Margie along with their nephew Gabriel Phelps-Roper, 10 years old, made a scene as the penguins allegedly "got it on" in public view. "Poor Gabriel, what kind of things will he learn from these types of atrocities" said one distraught Margie Phelps. Maybe he'll learn something more humane from the gay penguins than the twisted minds of you and your sick husband.

While other people around the exhibit and "exhibit" laughed freely and joked. It would have appeared that that the Rev. Phelps was extremely distraught and fearful a same sex orgy was about to ensue. "These people are Philistines!!!" shouted the Rev. Phelps over the crowd. The cry back was "Hell no fuck head!!! We're New Yorkers!!" The Rev. Phelps was then hit in the head with what appeared to be an airborne 12 inch long black love dong.

Paramedics arrived at the scene but were unable to recover the dong as Mrs. Phelps would not relinquish it saying it was proof of Gods power.

Once bandaged up the Rev. Phelps began preaching once more about Gays being immoral and destined to hell. "God hates fags" was the cry from the 3, yes count them, 3 anti-gay protesters. If this Blogger is sure of one thing it is that God blessed the Phelps with some enormous brass balls.

“God promised dire outpourings of very painful wrath, and there’s nothing more painful than squeaky penguin sex and that’s what’s going on in Central Park,” Phelps said. “That’s what we’re preaching and the forum of choice to deliver such a message, obviously, is the exhibition of two fairy faggot penguins"

As you may know Phelps spent his time previously protesting the poor families of soldiers killed in duty in Iraq; claiming it was because of the gays. He has since realized his mission is to take the cause even further. He seeks next to contact Mother Nature and lodge a formal complaint with her about Gay Penguins. Phelps revels in his critics’ anger and considers it a sign that he is doing God’s work. He isn’t out to save anyone, saying, “The time for repentance is over.”

“I’m Noah … and my only duty is to deliver with great fidelity an unambiguous message from God Almighty without any timidity,” Phelps said from his home in Topeka. “That’s my job, and it’s a matter of supreme irrelevance what people or penguins do with it."

Noah huh? maybe the Rev. Phelps is a little jealous opposed to angry.

At the end of the day Gabriel walked of with a balloon, Margie with a 12 inch black dong, and Phelps himself with a case of red ass after watching two gay penguins bump nuts to butts for 6 hours. Just goes to show you, God made Phelps and he made the penguins; can't hit home runs all the time.

Gay Penguins

Illicitly Gained Video May Indicate The Paris Hilton Allows Rear Entry

On a cold morning in early March, Computer Scientist Brian , his last name is being held for privacy issues, was lonely and cold and decided to do some "video research".

"Yeah I was sitting there in my boxers looking for something good to go with my mood you know." Brian says; "I came across this grainy video of The Paris Hilton and thought I'd check it out. I normally don't like grainy video, I consider myself an internet video snob; it needs to be at least 15 seconds long and have good audio that matches the lips. However this one interested me. I began watching and it started out slow with a little front entrance exit and entry going on. Then I couldn't believe it. Man I about lost it right there. You never want to lose it uncontrollably when you spent 5 thousand dollars on your top of line gaming machine. Anyway, I saw it; it was subtle but it was there. There was definite rear exit and entry permitted and executed right in front of my eyes."

Brian continued his story relishing his find and working tirelessly to enhance the image to no avail. "I tried everything, man I even used Photoshop on some still images I grabbed but I could not see it any closer, I love close ups."

This Blogger decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. It does seem The Paris Hilton allowed nearly unrestricted entry and exit to the rear exit. I nearly passed out after watching it the 75th time. So it was time to go to the experts. I was a believer but needed more proof.

I called my cousin Wilbur who has been married for 13 years and isn't allowed to watch these kinds of videos, and is forced to watch them late at night through the wavy lines on his television. Wilbur's intriguing and detailed account of what he saw is as follows.

"Well I normally do this stuff late at night so the missus doesn't get suspicious so it was difficult for me to do during the day with the room all lit up. I believe though that, in my expert opinion, there was completely unrestricted access given through the rear exit of the Paris Hilton. I watched it repeatedly until I could positively identify the action but I certainly do agree, rear entry was gained. I felt the angle and the slight pause even further back up the rear entry theory."

It was time to go one more place to find out if the grainy video did in fact offer a rare rear entry video of the Paris Hilton. My investigation took me to Washington State. The land of Big Foot and grainy video experts. As you may know various instances of Big Foot have been videoed and photographed for years at infamous places including the Snoqualmie National Forest. This was where we were heading; we were going to see grainy video expert Park Ranger Bob Dickenson.

"You see I haven't ever seen this video, and instantly less than halfway through I identified definite entry and exit through the rear exit of the Paris Hilton. I was stunned. I watched over and over again until I felt as though my eyes would bleed. Had I been there I'm sure I would have tried it myself, it looked really great. I mean it looked like it'd be a lot fun. I sure wish I could give it a try sometime, but I'm sure I'm not the only one. Cramming into the rear exit of the Paris Hilton is probably a dream of quite a few people. I know myself I'll be thinking about it a lot."

Three expert opinions and one final conclusion. The Paris Hilton does allow, at times, unrestricted entry and exit through the rear exit. Subtle yet definite when you know what you're looking for. The Paris Hilton allows rear exit entry, who would have thought; Mr. Hilton would be stunned to know this kind of thing was going on.

Sweat Shops right here in America..

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will be announcing a new clothing line that will be affordable thanks to new production tactics. The line will include accessories that often times look like other expensive brands but last half as long and smell like tomato soup.

This was announced after a recent visit to Vietnam where Angelina hand picked a new employee...son.

An anonymous source indicates that Brad and Angelina have now accumulated enough children to have built a new mansion in only 4 days. The source indicates OSHA was not allowed on the premises and that Brad and Angelina will be needing to replace several fallen children during the construction.

Chow Yon Sing Ling Pao Fun states "They take baby." We couldn't understand the rest of the shit he said so will assume it has something to do with rice and Kia.

Angelina and Brad make quite a scene in their "Humanitarian Efforts" however the new mansion is completely open on the inside with no private rooms and full of manufacturing equipment. Sources also indicate a private burial pit on the property. "They had poor little what's his face dig it all by his self. He was like 6. But I got to tell you, that little sum a bitch can fling dirt; well could fling dirt."

At having nearly 15 children the couple insists they love children. So does Hannibal Lector, with the right sauce and a good wine.

Brad and Angelina's line of clothing will be released this fall with new and exciting patterns stolen from other designers. "We feel fashion shouldn't hurt." The couple stated at the last press release. "Shouldn't hurt who?" a source close to the couple stated. "I've been at their residence. They have a new Olympic swimming pool in the back. Thats what they made the children do when they were punished. It's not like a normal kid getting punished; they punished poor little Hop Sing for over a week and she worked for a week straight before she fell from exhaustion and had to be taken to the hospital."

Well for the fashionistas in us there is a new line coming out that anyone can afford. This source hears that the line will rival D&G, DK, and Gucci. I personally can't wait to get my hands on a new man bag made by some little uneducated third world child in the comfort of sweat shop in California, run by illegal immigrants from Mexico. I say Brad and Angelina need to adopt more employees, I mean children, so they can push more knock offs out even faster.

God Bless America and third world countries where you can buy children from impoverished parents and use them for whatever means you want.

Who watches the watchers?

All our family members pass on to a world better than ours. They sit in Heaven and sip lemonade and play dominoes and watch over us...all the time. ALL THE TIME!!! Do you realize what that means?

Remember that time you had too much wine and your wife asked if she could "stick that thing in your butt?" and you said "Yeah." Yeah, well Grandma does. I bet she's proud. Remember that time you "accidentally" came across the hot transvestite site? Yeah, you thought to yourself you'd try it so long as he had a nice rack to take your mind off it? Yeah Uncle Henry does.

AP: Last Thursday the Vatican petitioned Jesus to prevent unauthorized viewing of family members from Heaven. Churches around the globe have been pressuring the Vatican for months now. It is believed not only are we being watched illegally but the information gained during those times is being used against to later be weighed for entry into Heaven.

Supreme Court Chief of Justice, John G. Roberts, Jr. sent comment via email:
"All citizens of the United States of America, whether dead or alive, are bound to the Constitution of the United States of America. The Fourth Amendment protects the private rights of US Citizens." "The Privacy Act of 1974 is like 30+ years old, Do you think we're kidding about it?"

The Commander in Chief of the United States himself, George W. Bush, has petitioned the Lord on our behalf also. "I have personally spoken with the Baby Jebus. He has assured me that in the battle against evil and illicit use of our wanking, he will fight side by side with the US Government." "Sweet Little Baby Jebus, he assured me that we can continue our secret perversions and homosexual fantasies as long as we want. The information gathered from those activities is to help protect the Christian people from gods that might try to attack them." "This may sound a bit like the Patriot act, but I assure you it is not."

Jesus and God have both refused to comment. Which leads this man to believe information has been secretively being gathered against Christians of the world for quite some time. Jehovah replied through a subordinate; "We can't believe that Christ and his Father have sunk to the kinds of levels being indicated by these reports." "Didn't they learn from the FBI's usage of the Patriot Act?" Allah replied in an official statement but we couldn't understand what the messenger was saying; it sounded like the messenger had something in his mouth and a lot of congestion.

The Vatican will continue to plead for the rights of Christians everywhere. "These Gestapo tactics will not be tolerated." "We have already begun looking into religions that do not advocate this kind of behavior." "The Wiccans are excited and have begun to solicit us for our aid and have officially remarked, "The past is water under the bridge, you remember water right? No metal spikes or torture devices over here, just worldly love." The Vatican has remarked they first want to verify the interest rates offered by the Wiccans. "We're not going to keep our money buried in the forest if that's what you think. It took too many years of crusading and inquisitions to earn this money."

Satan commented briefly through a messenger. Hillary Clinton stated, "Satan merely wants the world to know, "I told you so, fallen Angel my ass; Free Thinker!!! That's what I was.""

We can only hope the Holy Family will stop their reign of mafia like tactics and let us masturbate again in peace. I sure hate to think of my family up in Heaven eating popcorn watching my activities. I'm not sure it will stop me but it may be time to "ixnay" the inflatable transvestite sheep for awhile.

Bless our families and lets hope they forget what they've seen before we get to see them again. Who wants Uncle Tom to walk up to us in Heaven and greet us with a big hug and a "Did your butt ever heal from that thing? It was freaking huge." That's not embarrassing at all.

So play with yourself if you must, just watch using the electro-shock love enhancer with the thing in your butt. That could just get weird.
Just when you thought it was safe to wash yourself as fast and hard as you wanted to, you realize your grandma is watching you.

Thursday, March 15, 2007


I recently spent 9 days in Kuwait. Imagine a place on the ocean. Imagine interesting architecture and a culture that is fascinatingly different. Then imagine all of that with a homeless guy blow drying his ass in your face...Thats Kuwait.

The smell wasn't my biggest worry though. It was McDonalds. I went to a McDonalds run by the same guys that run 7 Elevens in the States. I ordered the normal 3 Quarter Pounders with Cheese...Hold the shit and put just pickle and onion on it. Man that sounds so good to me. I got them. Man it was heaven...They were in the Styrofoam containers of yesteryear, Good god not only did an animal die for my pleasure but now my container would be in the ground for centuries; what a great day. I just knew once I delved into that burger I'd have to change my pants. God I couldn't wait. The squeak of the carton opening the wafting charred flesh smell rising to my nose driving me into an olfactory orgasm. The soft bun giving under the strength of my burger hardened fingers. Oh sweet ecstasy!!! Praise be to Allah, he doesn't have grass but he has a burger and it's name is Quarter Pounder.

As I raised the burger to my quivering lips my mouth opened as a soft moan of pleasure escaped in anticipation of joyous junk food sustaining my life and dreams.

I bit into the soft yeasty bun with the slight hint of toasted sesame seeds and sweet bread. Oh sweet lord lay your hands upon my supple flesh, what divine pleasure I was about to experience.

I clamped down like a prisoner in the electric chair. The juices of the glorious Quarter Pounder flooding my sewage. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! It was like getting a hot chick in bed and finding out she has a dick and it's bigger than yours.

What the fuck can you do to ground meat to make it taste like year old biological waste? The onions even tasted fucked up. I had 3 of them. Do you know what it takes to eat 3 disgusting Quarter Pounder imitations? I was sick for hours. I rifted fucking sewage for 3 days.
I'm not sure whats worse. The fact that I ate 3 of them even though I was thinking about sucking rotten Hamburger Helper from a Lepers ass the whole time, or that the food here is so bad I'd knock over a one legged man to get to another one right now?

You decide. However, stay in America the burgers are better and you can understand the guy behind the counter even if he is a retard.

Have you ever...

Have you ever tried to help someone do something easier or better and they shot you down on the premise they know more? Or you wanted to help them even though it created a bit more work for you initially?

I had a guy in computer school that couldn't make a cable. The guy had breath that would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon yet I was polite and tried to help the fuck. I spent ten minutes trying to get him to understand and he had the audacity to tell me I was wrong. YOU FUCK!! I just wasted my time, which I had because I could do mine, and you tell me I'm wrong? Crawl back in your gene pool and find the ones you lost. While you're fucking at it brush your fucking teeth with something other than cheddar cheese.

Today I had some job protecting fuck quote a policy to me and directed me if I had questions to call him. I have no problem with getting help, but I had read the policy and had to take my valuable time to quote back to him the passages that I was referencing and that he now had one less day to get what I needed before I recommended he be shut down. Howdy fuckin doo!!

Do people really think you just make shit up conspicuously close to something? or do they think you can't possibly know what you're talking about because your mom didn't fuck a General? I mean seriously what are the chances of a guy nailing you with a policy and not know what he's talking about if he describes what he needs in a 5 paragraph message. It'd be one thing if I only spoke Swahili but I fucking speak English the fucking American kind!!!

Fuck em.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

If I were God...I'd have a Midget...

Welcome to the Church of Indifference. There is only one god, B; and his prophet is Pokey; his genetically engineered super strong designer midget that can fly.

I think I could start a religion. I mean the tax breaks alone are worth the effort. I mean who wouldn't follow a guy with a midget side kick?

I think my religion would be of indulgence. You know "Partake of this Krispy Kreme....Drink of this Kool Aid..." I wouldn't leave Pokey out man, you never know what super strong midgets that can fly will do to you. He could throw something really heavy and then fly to something else and throw it. It'd be really hard to preach when dodging statuary. Pokey that dude would be straight crazy.

I think I'd want the carpet in my church to be fluorescent orange or dark blue, I like dark blue man and the stains wouldn't show so much. Yeah. It'd be like that crazy ass church in Tommy with statues of Marilyn Monroe everywhere. Pokey would dig that shit. He'd be a big Marilyn Monroe fan. He'd have a tattoo of her with her skirt blowing on his chest; oh man, and when he lifted super heavy stuff with his super strength it would look like her skirt was actually moving. That Pokey is one crazy son of a bitch, even if he was born in a test tube.

Every Sunday we'd do like a meeting or something where we talked about stuff, really deep stuff. Yeah and Pokey would be performing feats of strength while I was preaching. Like doing a thousand push ups and stuff. That would be crazy.

I'd talk about stuff like science and God and how they mix together to form life and stuff...Yeah that would be crazy. Tom Cruise would want to join me but Pokey would be jealous and would throw him and his limo back to Hollywood. Fucking non-believer Tom Cruise.

I'd give myself magical powers to do cool stuff like make an extra candy bar fall out of the snack machine when I paid for just one...That would be so fucking cool. Pokey could have the one that fell; cause he'd like candy. Dude, I'd have Pokey take the machine and turn it around so nobody could buy the last Dolly Madison Apple Pie before we could buy it...That would be a trip. Fuckin Tom Cruise would be so jealous, cause he doesn't have a super strong flying midget like me.

Yeah I'm going to start my own religion. Look out Bill Nye the Scientology Guy...B and Pokey are coming and we've got super powers BITCH!!! We may even make Spider Man a saint or something, I don't know if he likes football though. We'll see, It'd be real cool.

Fuck em.

Congressional Twilight Zone

Iraq. Dem. "Pull out by End of March 2008" Rep. "Fuck you we want war!" American Public "Just bring our sons, daughters, moms and dads home safe."

Has anyone heard anything anyone else has said yet? It's not a war but everyone keeps acting like it is. If it is, pay our soldiers like they deserve for risking their lives for yours. Quit wasting tax payer money on stupid arguments and fix the problem. Give our soldiers what they deserve instead of asking for billions of dollars for everything but them.

I'm all for the pull out idea. We can't fix Iraq. It's broken. They hate each other and us. Would you want the guy you hate helping you fix your problems? Fuck no. Would you even want him in the room to overhear it? Fuck no.

I have a question I'd like answered. Why didn't they leave Saddam alive to convict him of everything he's done? I mean the guy lost everything he had in a very violent manner; at least let him know along with his glorious reign he's going to die with the world record of War Crime convictions.

I'm sure Paris and Britney don't agree with whats happening.

Our Armed Forces are over there slaving in ways most people will never understand. Why don't we start arguing that they deserve more than they get? Why don't we start treating them like they hold our National well being in their hands?

Fuck Congress and their bureaucratized bull shit. Argue for something other than hearing your own voice. Argue for the rights and benefits of people making the sacrifice. Get off your padded asses and make a real change that matters. Take care of our soldiers. They're the ones that gave you the right to belch out your thoughts on whether or not dog owners should have to clean pooh off the ground at the park. Congress...The dumbest smart people making decisions for people they don't understand.

Fuck em.

Shoved Down My Throat Like a Prison Dick Vol. 2

This is serious...Millions of teens have lost wood faster than a bulimic beaver.

Britney Spears. What the fuck happened to her? She was hot now she's not. Everyone is so concerned over her well being. She's in the news; Hell she even made my blog and thats prestigious. But honestly fuck her. The simple truth is trailer parks push people like her out everyday. Nobody writes about Eloise Tanner of Evergreen Acres South Carolina and her heroine addiction. Nobody writes that her ex-husband Bobby Rae Tanner was whoring around with Suzie Lee Baker and Tammy Lynn Whitlock. Nobody cares about her 18 month old son and whats going to happen to him. So why do we care about Britney Spears? Fuck her and Fuck Eloise Tanner of Evergreen Acres South Carolina. They're losers and drains on society. Fuck them if they can't control themselves. Life is hard get your head out of your ass and or fucking kill yourself. Save the fucking front page for news not trash. Poor Britney hates rehab. She feels slighted by her family. Fuck if I was related to her I'd want the money whore working again too...CHA CHING CHA CHING Bitches!!! If I already had enough money from her..fuck her get out of rehab and get high, just make sure I get a nice portion of the estate when you kick it. I wouldn't want to struggle after I forgot about your useless ass. I'm sure a million years from now churches will be ringing out in song.."Oopps I did it again". Fuck that. If you're starving for that kind of news get off my page.

Paris Hilton. Who cares. Daddy made the money not her. She's a high class whore. I'd rather suck rancid tuna salad out a yaks ass than hear anything more about this dumpster. Quit filling my news pages with stories about sexual fluid transmittal with dumpsters. I don't care. She's not even hot she's just rich and tasteless. Again nobody cares about Karen Anne Fisher of Shady Oaks Trailer Park in Pennsylvania. She's just the trailer park dumpster and her door is always open. She's the hardest working welfare recipient in the state...I think she has a plaque in her trailer waiting room.

In conclusion, my senses are offended by the high-class whore stories I see in the news. If I want trailer park smut I'll go hit Jimmy Joe's bar of Ecstasy and Gentlemanly Friendly Nude Dancing and Arcade on Route 22. I don't want to read about it for free in my daily news. The only thing I'm missing when I read stories like that are the smells of cigarette smoke and bleach. Fuck em.

The Answer to Life.

A good friend of mine taught me there is only one thing that matters in life.

Life isn't about what you have or who you know. Everything here is temporary, as is taught by the Dali Lama Tenzin Gyatso, may peace be on you your Holiness, regarding Buddhism. Life is just a path we take to get someplace better and there isn't anything that will stay.

So don't gather worldly goods or strive to make more money than you'll ever need.

Do what my friend does. Go to the nearest dining facility and clear them out of all their Otis Spunkmeyer Banana Nut Muffins. Thats what life is all about. "Fifty muffins in the hand is better than one on the stand." Words to live by.

So, Eat that Dali Lama Tenzin Gyatso, may peace be on you your Holiness.

To the Pretenders in the Professional World...

FUCK YOU!!! You pieces of shit hiding behind those of us that know what to do and how to do it. We see you and we'll burn you sooner or later. You should give up now and glue your fingers together and get a fucking job at McDonalds. You're useless and you screw everything up for those of us that know our jobs.

Pretender Mantra: You want fries with that?

You keep hiding behind my work and I'll put you somewhere you don't want to be, answering questions about how it was done. You fucking weasels! If your going to steal my ideas and hard work let me fuck your mustachioed wife or mother while your at it, you slimy maggots.

We know who you are and you have no respect from us, the people that know our jobs. We'll hunt you down like the rats you are. Hide behind your dads war buddy, hide behind your mothers johns, keep hiding behind your little butt buddy that sounds oddly like the ladies man; we know you're there and we're coming for you. When we come it will be like a Jihad on your ass, only it will be a Brihad. Brihad will be hell for the fakers of the world. You fucking scum sucking spineless worms!!

Gonna get ya, gonna get ya.

Fucking scumbags. You know who you are. We're coming. The Firm is coming. We'll eat your heart and dance on your rotting corpse. We'll celebrate the falling of the tower over the grave of your career.

Your time is up.

Shoved Down My Throat Like a Prison Dick. Vol 1

Aren't you tired of all the bull shit in the news? Lets talk about all the gay stuff in the news. If a dude wants to pump ass that's up to him; if a chick wants to munch rug I want the video. I could give a fuck less if they are getting married or joining the military. Fags can be just as rough and tumble as any red blooded, womans ass loving male. It's not like they're Ted Kennedy running around sticking their willies in everything; and if females want to do what they want to do, let them, but there should be a video camera around. Let me caveat that by saying.."So long as it's a Anne Heche dyke and not a Rosie O'Donnell dyke, BLEH!!!"

Are we a country of whiners like Iran? or do we have a spine and not give a shit so long as we get to fight, drink and fuck. That's what America is about. It's about beer, woman, and secret sexual perversions. You can buy sex anywhere just don't let anyone know about it. So the next time you're next to your youth church pastor, while reviewing "Anal intruders of the 3rd Kind Volume 72" Look at him and say "We're American!! Damnit!! Do you have a kleenex?"

Fuck you puritan prudes out there. Fuck you in the ass!!!

Emails not to recieve at work

At least I didn't actually have it sent to Moms account; that would have been a little embarrassing. Rest assured the order was received safely.

Email as follows:
Thats OK we're all about customer service. We're pleased that you received your order and we'd like to extend a special holiday offer to you. Our world famous "LOVE FUZZ BUTT PLUG" is on sale this week for 49.95. This wonderful anal intruder will give you hours of pleasure and features our patented squirt of love...The liquid kind. Millions of anally adventurous Americans find our Anal intruder to be one of the best and most fulfilling. Because, lets face it...If you can make a rubber dick in your ass happy, you can please anything.

Again thank you for your order of

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We look forward to serving your future orders and we hope you enjoy
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Buh Bye.

Nasheesh Sanjahar