Friday, March 16, 2007

Illicitly Gained Video May Indicate The Paris Hilton Allows Rear Entry

On a cold morning in early March, Computer Scientist Brian , his last name is being held for privacy issues, was lonely and cold and decided to do some "video research".

"Yeah I was sitting there in my boxers looking for something good to go with my mood you know." Brian says; "I came across this grainy video of The Paris Hilton and thought I'd check it out. I normally don't like grainy video, I consider myself an internet video snob; it needs to be at least 15 seconds long and have good audio that matches the lips. However this one interested me. I began watching and it started out slow with a little front entrance exit and entry going on. Then I couldn't believe it. Man I about lost it right there. You never want to lose it uncontrollably when you spent 5 thousand dollars on your top of line gaming machine. Anyway, I saw it; it was subtle but it was there. There was definite rear exit and entry permitted and executed right in front of my eyes."

Brian continued his story relishing his find and working tirelessly to enhance the image to no avail. "I tried everything, man I even used Photoshop on some still images I grabbed but I could not see it any closer, I love close ups."

This Blogger decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. It does seem The Paris Hilton allowed nearly unrestricted entry and exit to the rear exit. I nearly passed out after watching it the 75th time. So it was time to go to the experts. I was a believer but needed more proof.

I called my cousin Wilbur who has been married for 13 years and isn't allowed to watch these kinds of videos, and is forced to watch them late at night through the wavy lines on his television. Wilbur's intriguing and detailed account of what he saw is as follows.

"Well I normally do this stuff late at night so the missus doesn't get suspicious so it was difficult for me to do during the day with the room all lit up. I believe though that, in my expert opinion, there was completely unrestricted access given through the rear exit of the Paris Hilton. I watched it repeatedly until I could positively identify the action but I certainly do agree, rear entry was gained. I felt the angle and the slight pause even further back up the rear entry theory."

It was time to go one more place to find out if the grainy video did in fact offer a rare rear entry video of the Paris Hilton. My investigation took me to Washington State. The land of Big Foot and grainy video experts. As you may know various instances of Big Foot have been videoed and photographed for years at infamous places including the Snoqualmie National Forest. This was where we were heading; we were going to see grainy video expert Park Ranger Bob Dickenson.

"You see I haven't ever seen this video, and instantly less than halfway through I identified definite entry and exit through the rear exit of the Paris Hilton. I was stunned. I watched over and over again until I felt as though my eyes would bleed. Had I been there I'm sure I would have tried it myself, it looked really great. I mean it looked like it'd be a lot fun. I sure wish I could give it a try sometime, but I'm sure I'm not the only one. Cramming into the rear exit of the Paris Hilton is probably a dream of quite a few people. I know myself I'll be thinking about it a lot."

Three expert opinions and one final conclusion. The Paris Hilton does allow, at times, unrestricted entry and exit through the rear exit. Subtle yet definite when you know what you're looking for. The Paris Hilton allows rear exit entry, who would have thought; Mr. Hilton would be stunned to know this kind of thing was going on.

1 comment:

Josh said...

What? No link to the video? You're slipping man.. :)