Friday, March 16, 2007

Shoved Down My Throat Like a...Cold Herring

Gay Penguins at the Central Park Zoo spark controversial response from Anti Gay Church in Topeka Kansas.

Rev. Fred Phelps Sr. is in a pickle on this one. Today the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan protested two gay penguins and two more "light in the loafer" penguins at the Central Park Zoo. Phelps insists that gay animals should be struck down and sent to hell. He and his wife Margie along with their nephew Gabriel Phelps-Roper, 10 years old, made a scene as the penguins allegedly "got it on" in public view. "Poor Gabriel, what kind of things will he learn from these types of atrocities" said one distraught Margie Phelps. Maybe he'll learn something more humane from the gay penguins than the twisted minds of you and your sick husband.

While other people around the exhibit and "exhibit" laughed freely and joked. It would have appeared that that the Rev. Phelps was extremely distraught and fearful a same sex orgy was about to ensue. "These people are Philistines!!!" shouted the Rev. Phelps over the crowd. The cry back was "Hell no fuck head!!! We're New Yorkers!!" The Rev. Phelps was then hit in the head with what appeared to be an airborne 12 inch long black love dong.

Paramedics arrived at the scene but were unable to recover the dong as Mrs. Phelps would not relinquish it saying it was proof of Gods power.

Once bandaged up the Rev. Phelps began preaching once more about Gays being immoral and destined to hell. "God hates fags" was the cry from the 3, yes count them, 3 anti-gay protesters. If this Blogger is sure of one thing it is that God blessed the Phelps with some enormous brass balls.

“God promised dire outpourings of very painful wrath, and there’s nothing more painful than squeaky penguin sex and that’s what’s going on in Central Park,” Phelps said. “That’s what we’re preaching and the forum of choice to deliver such a message, obviously, is the exhibition of two fairy faggot penguins"

As you may know Phelps spent his time previously protesting the poor families of soldiers killed in duty in Iraq; claiming it was because of the gays. He has since realized his mission is to take the cause even further. He seeks next to contact Mother Nature and lodge a formal complaint with her about Gay Penguins. Phelps revels in his critics’ anger and considers it a sign that he is doing God’s work. He isn’t out to save anyone, saying, “The time for repentance is over.”

“I’m Noah … and my only duty is to deliver with great fidelity an unambiguous message from God Almighty without any timidity,” Phelps said from his home in Topeka. “That’s my job, and it’s a matter of supreme irrelevance what people or penguins do with it."

Noah huh? maybe the Rev. Phelps is a little jealous opposed to angry.

At the end of the day Gabriel walked of with a balloon, Margie with a 12 inch black dong, and Phelps himself with a case of red ass after watching two gay penguins bump nuts to butts for 6 hours. Just goes to show you, God made Phelps and he made the penguins; can't hit home runs all the time.

Gay Penguins

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