Saturday, September 27, 2008

Chinese genetically engineered super midgets cleverly disguised as teenage gymnasts.

AP - Recent discoveries have clearly proven that although the Chinese gymnasts are indeed 16; they are in fact genetically engineered midgets with superhuman abilities.

Quang Long Duck of Xenia Liu province has come forward declaring his guilt and genius.

"I was approached by men who ask for super midget. I give them super midgets that look 14, are actually 16 and look like littel girls."

It hasn't yet been proven whether or not Duck had any help in his endeavor but it would appear as though he must have. "I like the American Idol" Duck professed, "I think Paula was a smoking hot." Obviously while Duck may possess genius he has little taste and sense.

At one point durning the olympics it was pointed out that one of the midgets had a missing tooth thought to be proof of the "childs" age, but that was clarified by one Mr. Xiang Yoe Kwoy.

"Not child!" said Kwoy. Who am I to argue. Especially now that we know of the supermidget conspiracy. "Not Midget!" argued Mr. Kwoy, but all I could say was "My ass Asian".

After a great deal of time and money I was able to contact one Ms. Yang Yun. we had to wait for her to complete folding the laundry and picking the rice, but afterward we had a cup of green tea and sat down on the floor to discuss her age int he 2004 Olympics. "I no on team nomore," Yun declared "I pick da rice." That right Yun; you pick the fucking rice.

Although we couldn't legally acquire any pictures of the super midgets we managed to sneak on the gymnast compound and were able to photograph a glimpse of the 2012 Olympic gymnast Lieu Huang. The photo on the right could not be verified by nobody other than ourselves and several drunken Tibetans but we belive this to be a current photo of 12 year old Huang.

"In light of this photo we believe," said IOC President Jacques Rogge ,"this clarifies and puts to rest any suspicions levied against our friends the Chinese." Rogge continued "We knew all along that this underage gymnast thing was bullshit;" finishes Rogge "who in their right mind would thinkj the Chinese possible of such atrocities?" Not us Mr. Rogge, not us.

So friends and indigents that happen to read this slurry of bullshit and manipulated images, rest at ease knowing we can fully lay our trust upon the warm welcoming bossoms of the Chinese Empire.

Russia...The pathetic schoolboy proclaiming his greatness in a bathroom mirror.

So it's been a while since I've railed or ranted about some pathetic thing in the world today. So lets start with something easy...Russia.

What can you say about Russia except for "What the fuck?". Here is a nation of "do-nothing about anything" idiots all of a sudden proclaiming their greatness; just like the schoolboy declaring his strength and wonder to his reflection in the mirror. Who do they really think they are fooling?

They just recently lost an entire ship of munitions to a bunch of monkey humping pirates off the coast of Somalia. Wow let's talk about competence...Weapons weapons everywhere, but not a bullet anywhere? How do you fucking ship a boatload of weapons without one fucking guard on the fucker? I mean fucking hell man!!! An entire fucking ship full of small arms and "big" arms...and not one fucking person on board with balls and a gun?

You know I like Russia...It's like a trailers park on the ass of the world. They have balls to yell and bark at everything going on in the world but they don't have one ball to step forward and make a change for the better. Oh they are great alright.

Here I sit in Afghanistan and I gaze out upon the decrepit tanks and destroyed aircraft scattered around Bagram. Let me get this straight...A bunch of fucking rock chuckers kicked your asses. You said as much in the military review "When the Bear went over the mountain". These guys live in shit and mud houses and you couldn't kick their asses? What the fuck were you idiots doing? You could have given them soap and empty water bottles and won the war yet you still lost.

Where is your military might? Where do you find you inspiration to even open your mouth as a world power? Oh you have stuff in space..Thats right...You took your ball and went to space with it. What a fucking boatload of fucking vodka drinking bullshit!!! You want to be a power stop jerking your little cosack dicks and man up in the world.

Do you really think anyone takes Russia seriously? I mean Washington probably puts the phone on mute and puts speaker phone on so everyone can laugh out loud at the retarded audacity of a bunch impotent loudmouths declaring their superiority. I for one think the Putin look-a-like contest that was won by one Mr. Wendel T. Hardings ass, has to be one of my favorite stories out of Washington.

"The solidarity of the international community fostered on the wave of struggle against terrorism turned out to be somehow `privatized'," Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov told the U.N. General Assembly's annual ministerial meeting.

Fucking really huh? Maybe if you fucking pustule cockbags would pony some bucks as we clean the world of pieces of shit that rank even higher than you, because no matter how misdirected, and now dead, they tried to do something opposed to waiting around and letting everyone else do it for them...I think that would make you a scavanger...You know like a maggot. Thats right like a fucking maggot that like to be friends with boy fucking dirt eaters like the Iranians. A bunch of impotent boy rapers sitting around waxing their dicks talking about their spector like greatness. Fuck you.

I keep reading all these bullshit articles citing fat Russians railing against the USA and their excessive force and blah blah blah...Pot calling kettle...Come in kettle...? Oh wait at least we are making some changes in the world not just waiting for the populations to die out so we can then move in. How quickly we can forget teh horrors we imposed upon people of, I don't, say Georgia? Excessive force you say? What about the raizing and destruction laid to Afghanistan while you ran away with your tail between your legs? Or was that just a fancy ass plug?

The way I see it is we have a country of Russian drunken fat asses railing against a country of American drunken fat asses at least willing to try and effect a change. In my mind there isn't anything worse than impotent forces declaring their power and greatness. Quite simply...Russia go fuck yourselves you pompus pieces of shit. You want respect? Get off you fat asses and do something other than blowing the boy fucking Iranians and all the other dirt eating countries that blow you in all your imaginary glory. I suppose Putin and all his lackeys never heard "you're no better than the company you keep". Dirt eating boy fuckers!