Saturday, September 27, 2008

Chinese genetically engineered super midgets cleverly disguised as teenage gymnasts.

AP - Recent discoveries have clearly proven that although the Chinese gymnasts are indeed 16; they are in fact genetically engineered midgets with superhuman abilities.

Quang Long Duck of Xenia Liu province has come forward declaring his guilt and genius.

"I was approached by men who ask for super midget. I give them super midgets that look 14, are actually 16 and look like littel girls."

It hasn't yet been proven whether or not Duck had any help in his endeavor but it would appear as though he must have. "I like the American Idol" Duck professed, "I think Paula was a smoking hot." Obviously while Duck may possess genius he has little taste and sense.

At one point durning the olympics it was pointed out that one of the midgets had a missing tooth thought to be proof of the "childs" age, but that was clarified by one Mr. Xiang Yoe Kwoy.

"Not child!" said Kwoy. Who am I to argue. Especially now that we know of the supermidget conspiracy. "Not Midget!" argued Mr. Kwoy, but all I could say was "My ass Asian".

After a great deal of time and money I was able to contact one Ms. Yang Yun. we had to wait for her to complete folding the laundry and picking the rice, but afterward we had a cup of green tea and sat down on the floor to discuss her age int he 2004 Olympics. "I no on team nomore," Yun declared "I pick da rice." That right Yun; you pick the fucking rice.

Although we couldn't legally acquire any pictures of the super midgets we managed to sneak on the gymnast compound and were able to photograph a glimpse of the 2012 Olympic gymnast Lieu Huang. The photo on the right could not be verified by nobody other than ourselves and several drunken Tibetans but we belive this to be a current photo of 12 year old Huang.

"In light of this photo we believe," said IOC President Jacques Rogge ,"this clarifies and puts to rest any suspicions levied against our friends the Chinese." Rogge continued "We knew all along that this underage gymnast thing was bullshit;" finishes Rogge "who in their right mind would thinkj the Chinese possible of such atrocities?" Not us Mr. Rogge, not us.

So friends and indigents that happen to read this slurry of bullshit and manipulated images, rest at ease knowing we can fully lay our trust upon the warm welcoming bossoms of the Chinese Empire.

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