Gay Penguins at the Central Park Zoo spark controversial response from Anti Gay Church in Topeka Kansas.
The Rev. Fred Phelps Sr. is in a pickle on this one. Today the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan protested two gay penguins and two more "light in the loafer" penguins at the Central Park Zoo. Phelps insists that gay animals should be struck down and sent to hell. He and his wife Margie along with their nephew Gabriel Phelps-Roper, 10 years old, made a scene as the penguins allegedly "got it on" in public view. "Poor Gabriel, what kind of things will he learn from these types of atrocities" said one distraught Margie Phelps. Maybe he'll learn something more humane from the gay penguins than the twisted minds of you and your sick husband.
While other people around the exhibit and "exhibit" laughed freely and joked. It would have appeared that that the Rev. Phelps was extremely distraught and fearful a same sex orgy was about to ensue. "These people are Philistines!!!" shouted the Rev. Phelps over the crowd. The cry back was "Hell no fuck head!!! We're New Yorkers!!" The Rev. Phelps was then hit in the head with what appeared to be an airborne 12 inch long black love dong.
Paramedics arrived at the scene but were unable to recover the dong as Mrs. Phelps would not relinquish it saying it was proof of Gods power.
Once bandaged up the Rev. Phelps began preaching once more about Gays being immoral and destined to hell. "God hates fags" was the cry from the 3, yes count them, 3 anti-gay protesters. If this Blogger is sure of one thing it is that God blessed the Phelps with some enormous brass balls.
“God promised dire outpourings of very painful wrath, and there’s nothing more painful than squeaky penguin sex and that’s what’s going on in Central Park,” Phelps said. “That’s what we’re preaching and the forum of choice to deliver such a message, obviously, is the exhibition of two fairy faggot penguins"
As you may know Phelps spent his time previously protesting the poor families of soldiers killed in duty in Iraq; claiming it was because of the gays. He has since realized his mission is to take the cause even further. He seeks next to contact Mother Nature and lodge a formal complaint with her about Gay Penguins. Phelps revels in his critics’ anger and considers it a sign that he is doing God’s work. He isn’t out to save anyone, saying, “The time for repentance is over.”
“I’m Noah … and my only duty is to deliver with great fidelity an unambiguous message from God Almighty without any timidity,” Phelps said from his home in Topeka. “That’s my job, and it’s a matter of supreme irrelevance what people or penguins do with it."
Noah huh? maybe the Rev. Phelps is a little jealous opposed to angry.
At the end of the day Gabriel walked of with a balloon, Margie with a 12 inch black dong, and Phelps himself with a case of red ass after watching two gay penguins bump nuts to butts for 6 hours. Just goes to show you, God made Phelps and he made the penguins; can't hit home runs all the time.
Gay Penguins
Friday, March 16, 2007
Illicitly Gained Video May Indicate The Paris Hilton Allows Rear Entry
On a cold morning in early March, Computer Scientist Brian , his last name is being held for privacy issues, was lonely and cold and decided to do some "video research".
"Yeah I was sitting there in my boxers looking for something good to go with my mood you know." Brian says; "I came across this grainy video of The Paris Hilton and thought I'd check it out. I normally don't like grainy video, I consider myself an internet video snob; it needs to be at least 15 seconds long and have good audio that matches the lips. However this one interested me. I began watching and it started out slow with a little front entrance exit and entry going on. Then I couldn't believe it. Man I about lost it right there. You never want to lose it uncontrollably when you spent 5 thousand dollars on your top of line gaming machine. Anyway, I saw it; it was subtle but it was there. There was definite rear exit and entry permitted and executed right in front of my eyes."
Brian continued his story relishing his find and working tirelessly to enhance the image to no avail. "I tried everything, man I even used Photoshop on some still images I grabbed but I could not see it any closer, I love close ups."
This Blogger decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. It does seem The Paris Hilton allowed nearly unrestricted entry and exit to the rear exit. I nearly passed out after watching it the 75th time. So it was time to go to the experts. I was a believer but needed more proof.
I called my cousin Wilbur who has been married for 13 years and isn't allowed to watch these kinds of videos, and is forced to watch them late at night through the wavy lines on his television. Wilbur's intriguing and detailed account of what he saw is as follows.
"Well I normally do this stuff late at night so the missus doesn't get suspicious so it was difficult for me to do during the day with the room all lit up. I believe though that, in my expert opinion, there was completely unrestricted access given through the rear exit of the Paris Hilton. I watched it repeatedly until I could positively identify the action but I certainly do agree, rear entry was gained. I felt the angle and the slight pause even further back up the rear entry theory."
It was time to go one more place to find out if the grainy video did in fact offer a rare rear entry video of the Paris Hilton. My investigation took me to Washington State. The land of Big Foot and grainy video experts. As you may know various instances of Big Foot have been videoed and photographed for years at infamous places including the Snoqualmie National Forest. This was where we were heading; we were going to see grainy video expert Park Ranger Bob Dickenson.
"You see I haven't ever seen this video, and instantly less than halfway through I identified definite entry and exit through the rear exit of the Paris Hilton. I was stunned. I watched over and over again until I felt as though my eyes would bleed. Had I been there I'm sure I would have tried it myself, it looked really great. I mean it looked like it'd be a lot fun. I sure wish I could give it a try sometime, but I'm sure I'm not the only one. Cramming into the rear exit of the Paris Hilton is probably a dream of quite a few people. I know myself I'll be thinking about it a lot."
Three expert opinions and one final conclusion. The Paris Hilton does allow, at times, unrestricted entry and exit through the rear exit. Subtle yet definite when you know what you're looking for. The Paris Hilton allows rear exit entry, who would have thought; Mr. Hilton would be stunned to know this kind of thing was going on.
"Yeah I was sitting there in my boxers looking for something good to go with my mood you know." Brian says; "I came across this grainy video of The Paris Hilton and thought I'd check it out. I normally don't like grainy video, I consider myself an internet video snob; it needs to be at least 15 seconds long and have good audio that matches the lips. However this one interested me. I began watching and it started out slow with a little front entrance exit and entry going on. Then I couldn't believe it. Man I about lost it right there. You never want to lose it uncontrollably when you spent 5 thousand dollars on your top of line gaming machine. Anyway, I saw it; it was subtle but it was there. There was definite rear exit and entry permitted and executed right in front of my eyes."
Brian continued his story relishing his find and working tirelessly to enhance the image to no avail. "I tried everything, man I even used Photoshop on some still images I grabbed but I could not see it any closer, I love close ups."
This Blogger decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. It does seem The Paris Hilton allowed nearly unrestricted entry and exit to the rear exit. I nearly passed out after watching it the 75th time. So it was time to go to the experts. I was a believer but needed more proof.
I called my cousin Wilbur who has been married for 13 years and isn't allowed to watch these kinds of videos, and is forced to watch them late at night through the wavy lines on his television. Wilbur's intriguing and detailed account of what he saw is as follows.
"Well I normally do this stuff late at night so the missus doesn't get suspicious so it was difficult for me to do during the day with the room all lit up. I believe though that, in my expert opinion, there was completely unrestricted access given through the rear exit of the Paris Hilton. I watched it repeatedly until I could positively identify the action but I certainly do agree, rear entry was gained. I felt the angle and the slight pause even further back up the rear entry theory."
It was time to go one more place to find out if the grainy video did in fact offer a rare rear entry video of the Paris Hilton. My investigation took me to Washington State. The land of Big Foot and grainy video experts. As you may know various instances of Big Foot have been videoed and photographed for years at infamous places including the Snoqualmie National Forest. This was where we were heading; we were going to see grainy video expert Park Ranger Bob Dickenson.
"You see I haven't ever seen this video, and instantly less than halfway through I identified definite entry and exit through the rear exit of the Paris Hilton. I was stunned. I watched over and over again until I felt as though my eyes would bleed. Had I been there I'm sure I would have tried it myself, it looked really great. I mean it looked like it'd be a lot fun. I sure wish I could give it a try sometime, but I'm sure I'm not the only one. Cramming into the rear exit of the Paris Hilton is probably a dream of quite a few people. I know myself I'll be thinking about it a lot."
Three expert opinions and one final conclusion. The Paris Hilton does allow, at times, unrestricted entry and exit through the rear exit. Subtle yet definite when you know what you're looking for. The Paris Hilton allows rear exit entry, who would have thought; Mr. Hilton would be stunned to know this kind of thing was going on.
Sweat Shops right here in America..
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will be announcing a new clothing line that will be affordable thanks to new production tactics. The line will include accessories that often times look like other expensive brands but last half as long and smell like tomato soup.
This was announced after a recent visit to Vietnam where Angelina hand picked a new employee...son.
An anonymous source indicates that Brad and Angelina have now accumulated enough children to have built a new mansion in only 4 days. The source indicates OSHA was not allowed on the premises and that Brad and Angelina will be needing to replace several fallen children during the construction.
Chow Yon Sing Ling Pao Fun states "They take baby." We couldn't understand the rest of the shit he said so will assume it has something to do with rice and Kia.
Angelina and Brad make quite a scene in their "Humanitarian Efforts" however the new mansion is completely open on the inside with no private rooms and full of manufacturing equipment. Sources also indicate a private burial pit on the property. "They had poor little what's his face dig it all by his self. He was like 6. But I got to tell you, that little sum a bitch can fling dirt; well could fling dirt."
At having nearly 15 children the couple insists they love children. So does Hannibal Lector, with the right sauce and a good wine.
Brad and Angelina's line of clothing will be released this fall with new and exciting patterns stolen from other designers. "We feel fashion shouldn't hurt." The couple stated at the last press release. "Shouldn't hurt who?" a source close to the couple stated. "I've been at their residence. They have a new Olympic swimming pool in the back. Thats what they made the children do when they were punished. It's not like a normal kid getting punished; they punished poor little Hop Sing for over a week and she worked for a week straight before she fell from exhaustion and had to be taken to the hospital."
Well for the fashionistas in us there is a new line coming out that anyone can afford. This source hears that the line will rival D&G, DK, and Gucci. I personally can't wait to get my hands on a new man bag made by some little uneducated third world child in the comfort of sweat shop in California, run by illegal immigrants from Mexico. I say Brad and Angelina need to adopt more employees, I mean children, so they can push more knock offs out even faster.
God Bless America and third world countries where you can buy children from impoverished parents and use them for whatever means you want.
This was announced after a recent visit to Vietnam where Angelina hand picked a new employee...son.
An anonymous source indicates that Brad and Angelina have now accumulated enough children to have built a new mansion in only 4 days. The source indicates OSHA was not allowed on the premises and that Brad and Angelina will be needing to replace several fallen children during the construction.
Chow Yon Sing Ling Pao Fun states "They take baby." We couldn't understand the rest of the shit he said so will assume it has something to do with rice and Kia.
Angelina and Brad make quite a scene in their "Humanitarian Efforts" however the new mansion is completely open on the inside with no private rooms and full of manufacturing equipment. Sources also indicate a private burial pit on the property. "They had poor little what's his face dig it all by his self. He was like 6. But I got to tell you, that little sum a bitch can fling dirt; well could fling dirt."
At having nearly 15 children the couple insists they love children. So does Hannibal Lector, with the right sauce and a good wine.
Brad and Angelina's line of clothing will be released this fall with new and exciting patterns stolen from other designers. "We feel fashion shouldn't hurt." The couple stated at the last press release. "Shouldn't hurt who?" a source close to the couple stated. "I've been at their residence. They have a new Olympic swimming pool in the back. Thats what they made the children do when they were punished. It's not like a normal kid getting punished; they punished poor little Hop Sing for over a week and she worked for a week straight before she fell from exhaustion and had to be taken to the hospital."
Well for the fashionistas in us there is a new line coming out that anyone can afford. This source hears that the line will rival D&G, DK, and Gucci. I personally can't wait to get my hands on a new man bag made by some little uneducated third world child in the comfort of sweat shop in California, run by illegal immigrants from Mexico. I say Brad and Angelina need to adopt more employees, I mean children, so they can push more knock offs out even faster.
God Bless America and third world countries where you can buy children from impoverished parents and use them for whatever means you want.
Who watches the watchers?
All our family members pass on to a world better than ours. They sit in Heaven and sip lemonade and play dominoes and watch over us...all the time. ALL THE TIME!!! Do you realize what that means?
Remember that time you had too much wine and your wife asked if she could "stick that thing in your butt?" and you said "Yeah." Yeah, well Grandma does. I bet she's proud. Remember that time you "accidentally" came across the hot transvestite site? Yeah, you thought to yourself you'd try it so long as he had a nice rack to take your mind off it? Yeah Uncle Henry does.
AP: Last Thursday the Vatican petitioned Jesus to prevent unauthorized viewing of family members from Heaven. Churches around the globe have been pressuring the Vatican for months now. It is believed not only are we being watched illegally but the information gained during those times is being used against to later be weighed for entry into Heaven.
Supreme Court Chief of Justice, John G. Roberts, Jr. sent comment via email:
"All citizens of the United States of America, whether dead or alive, are bound to the Constitution of the United States of America. The Fourth Amendment protects the private rights of US Citizens." "The Privacy Act of 1974 is like 30+ years old, Do you think we're kidding about it?"
The Commander in Chief of the United States himself, George W. Bush, has petitioned the Lord on our behalf also. "I have personally spoken with the Baby Jebus. He has assured me that in the battle against evil and illicit use of our wanking, he will fight side by side with the US Government." "Sweet Little Baby Jebus, he assured me that we can continue our secret perversions and homosexual fantasies as long as we want. The information gathered from those activities is to help protect the Christian people from gods that might try to attack them." "This may sound a bit like the Patriot act, but I assure you it is not."
Jesus and God have both refused to comment. Which leads this man to believe information has been secretively being gathered against Christians of the world for quite some time. Jehovah replied through a subordinate; "We can't believe that Christ and his Father have sunk to the kinds of levels being indicated by these reports." "Didn't they learn from the FBI's usage of the Patriot Act?" Allah replied in an official statement but we couldn't understand what the messenger was saying; it sounded like the messenger had something in his mouth and a lot of congestion.
The Vatican will continue to plead for the rights of Christians everywhere. "These Gestapo tactics will not be tolerated." "We have already begun looking into religions that do not advocate this kind of behavior." "The Wiccans are excited and have begun to solicit us for our aid and have officially remarked, "The past is water under the bridge, you remember water right? No metal spikes or torture devices over here, just worldly love." The Vatican has remarked they first want to verify the interest rates offered by the Wiccans. "We're not going to keep our money buried in the forest if that's what you think. It took too many years of crusading and inquisitions to earn this money."
Satan commented briefly through a messenger. Hillary Clinton stated, "Satan merely wants the world to know, "I told you so, fallen Angel my ass; Free Thinker!!! That's what I was.""
We can only hope the Holy Family will stop their reign of mafia like tactics and let us masturbate again in peace. I sure hate to think of my family up in Heaven eating popcorn watching my activities. I'm not sure it will stop me but it may be time to "ixnay" the inflatable transvestite sheep for awhile.
Bless our families and lets hope they forget what they've seen before we get to see them again. Who wants Uncle Tom to walk up to us in Heaven and greet us with a big hug and a "Did your butt ever heal from that thing? It was freaking huge." That's not embarrassing at all.
So play with yourself if you must, just watch using the electro-shock love enhancer with the thing in your butt. That could just get weird. Just when you thought it was safe to wash yourself as fast and hard as you wanted to, you realize your grandma is watching you.
Remember that time you had too much wine and your wife asked if she could "stick that thing in your butt?" and you said "Yeah." Yeah, well Grandma does. I bet she's proud. Remember that time you "accidentally" came across the hot transvestite site? Yeah, you thought to yourself you'd try it so long as he had a nice rack to take your mind off it? Yeah Uncle Henry does.
AP: Last Thursday the Vatican petitioned Jesus to prevent unauthorized viewing of family members from Heaven. Churches around the globe have been pressuring the Vatican for months now. It is believed not only are we being watched illegally but the information gained during those times is being used against to later be weighed for entry into Heaven.
Supreme Court Chief of Justice, John G. Roberts, Jr. sent comment via email:
"All citizens of the United States of America, whether dead or alive, are bound to the Constitution of the United States of America. The Fourth Amendment protects the private rights of US Citizens." "The Privacy Act of 1974 is like 30+ years old, Do you think we're kidding about it?"
The Commander in Chief of the United States himself, George W. Bush, has petitioned the Lord on our behalf also. "I have personally spoken with the Baby Jebus. He has assured me that in the battle against evil and illicit use of our wanking, he will fight side by side with the US Government." "Sweet Little Baby Jebus, he assured me that we can continue our secret perversions and homosexual fantasies as long as we want. The information gathered from those activities is to help protect the Christian people from gods that might try to attack them." "This may sound a bit like the Patriot act, but I assure you it is not."
Jesus and God have both refused to comment. Which leads this man to believe information has been secretively being gathered against Christians of the world for quite some time. Jehovah replied through a subordinate; "We can't believe that Christ and his Father have sunk to the kinds of levels being indicated by these reports." "Didn't they learn from the FBI's usage of the Patriot Act?" Allah replied in an official statement but we couldn't understand what the messenger was saying; it sounded like the messenger had something in his mouth and a lot of congestion.
The Vatican will continue to plead for the rights of Christians everywhere. "These Gestapo tactics will not be tolerated." "We have already begun looking into religions that do not advocate this kind of behavior." "The Wiccans are excited and have begun to solicit us for our aid and have officially remarked, "The past is water under the bridge, you remember water right? No metal spikes or torture devices over here, just worldly love." The Vatican has remarked they first want to verify the interest rates offered by the Wiccans. "We're not going to keep our money buried in the forest if that's what you think. It took too many years of crusading and inquisitions to earn this money."
Satan commented briefly through a messenger. Hillary Clinton stated, "Satan merely wants the world to know, "I told you so, fallen Angel my ass; Free Thinker!!! That's what I was.""
We can only hope the Holy Family will stop their reign of mafia like tactics and let us masturbate again in peace. I sure hate to think of my family up in Heaven eating popcorn watching my activities. I'm not sure it will stop me but it may be time to "ixnay" the inflatable transvestite sheep for awhile.
Bless our families and lets hope they forget what they've seen before we get to see them again. Who wants Uncle Tom to walk up to us in Heaven and greet us with a big hug and a "Did your butt ever heal from that thing? It was freaking huge." That's not embarrassing at all.
So play with yourself if you must, just watch using the electro-shock love enhancer with the thing in your butt. That could just get weird. Just when you thought it was safe to wash yourself as fast and hard as you wanted to, you realize your grandma is watching you.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Predicament
I recently spent 9 days in Kuwait. Imagine a place on the ocean. Imagine interesting architecture and a culture that is fascinatingly different. Then imagine all of that with a homeless guy blow drying his ass in your face...Thats Kuwait.
The smell wasn't my biggest worry though. It was McDonalds. I went to a McDonalds run by the same guys that run 7 Elevens in the States. I ordered the normal 3 Quarter Pounders with Cheese...Hold the shit and put just pickle and onion on it. Man that sounds so good to me. I got them. Man it was heaven...They were in the Styrofoam containers of yesteryear, Good god not only did an animal die for my pleasure but now my container would be in the ground for centuries; what a great day. I just knew once I delved into that burger I'd have to change my pants. God I couldn't wait. The squeak of the carton opening the wafting charred flesh smell rising to my nose driving me into an olfactory orgasm. The soft bun giving under the strength of my burger hardened fingers. Oh sweet ecstasy!!! Praise be to Allah, he doesn't have grass but he has a burger and it's name is Quarter Pounder.
As I raised the burger to my quivering lips my mouth opened as a soft moan of pleasure escaped in anticipation of joyous junk food sustaining my life and dreams.
I bit into the soft yeasty bun with the slight hint of toasted sesame seeds and sweet bread. Oh sweet lord lay your hands upon my supple flesh, what divine pleasure I was about to experience.
I clamped down like a prisoner in the electric chair. The juices of the glorious Quarter Pounder flooding my mouth...like...like...raw sewage. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! It was like getting a hot chick in bed and finding out she has a dick and it's bigger than yours.
What the fuck can you do to ground meat to make it taste like year old biological waste? The onions even tasted fucked up. I had 3 of them. Do you know what it takes to eat 3 disgusting Quarter Pounder imitations? I was sick for hours. I rifted fucking sewage for 3 days.
I'm not sure whats worse. The fact that I ate 3 of them even though I was thinking about sucking rotten Hamburger Helper from a Lepers ass the whole time, or that the food here is so bad I'd knock over a one legged man to get to another one right now?
You decide. However, stay in America the burgers are better and you can understand the guy behind the counter even if he is a retard.
The smell wasn't my biggest worry though. It was McDonalds. I went to a McDonalds run by the same guys that run 7 Elevens in the States. I ordered the normal 3 Quarter Pounders with Cheese...Hold the shit and put just pickle and onion on it. Man that sounds so good to me. I got them. Man it was heaven...They were in the Styrofoam containers of yesteryear, Good god not only did an animal die for my pleasure but now my container would be in the ground for centuries; what a great day. I just knew once I delved into that burger I'd have to change my pants. God I couldn't wait. The squeak of the carton opening the wafting charred flesh smell rising to my nose driving me into an olfactory orgasm. The soft bun giving under the strength of my burger hardened fingers. Oh sweet ecstasy!!! Praise be to Allah, he doesn't have grass but he has a burger and it's name is Quarter Pounder.
As I raised the burger to my quivering lips my mouth opened as a soft moan of pleasure escaped in anticipation of joyous junk food sustaining my life and dreams.
I bit into the soft yeasty bun with the slight hint of toasted sesame seeds and sweet bread. Oh sweet lord lay your hands upon my supple flesh, what divine pleasure I was about to experience.
I clamped down like a prisoner in the electric chair. The juices of the glorious Quarter Pounder flooding my mouth...like...like...raw sewage. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! It was like getting a hot chick in bed and finding out she has a dick and it's bigger than yours.
What the fuck can you do to ground meat to make it taste like year old biological waste? The onions even tasted fucked up. I had 3 of them. Do you know what it takes to eat 3 disgusting Quarter Pounder imitations? I was sick for hours. I rifted fucking sewage for 3 days.
I'm not sure whats worse. The fact that I ate 3 of them even though I was thinking about sucking rotten Hamburger Helper from a Lepers ass the whole time, or that the food here is so bad I'd knock over a one legged man to get to another one right now?
You decide. However, stay in America the burgers are better and you can understand the guy behind the counter even if he is a retard.
Have you ever...
Have you ever tried to help someone do something easier or better and they shot you down on the premise they know more? Or you wanted to help them even though it created a bit more work for you initially?
I had a guy in computer school that couldn't make a cable. The guy had breath that would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon yet I was polite and tried to help the fuck. I spent ten minutes trying to get him to understand and he had the audacity to tell me I was wrong. YOU FUCK!! I just wasted my time, which I had because I could do mine, and you tell me I'm wrong? Crawl back in your gene pool and find the ones you lost. While you're fucking at it brush your fucking teeth with something other than cheddar cheese.
Today I had some job protecting fuck quote a policy to me and directed me if I had questions to call him. I have no problem with getting help, but I had read the policy and had to take my valuable time to quote back to him the passages that I was referencing and that he now had one less day to get what I needed before I recommended he be shut down. Howdy fuckin doo!!
Do people really think you just make shit up conspicuously close to something? or do they think you can't possibly know what you're talking about because your mom didn't fuck a General? I mean seriously what are the chances of a guy nailing you with a policy and not know what he's talking about if he describes what he needs in a 5 paragraph message. It'd be one thing if I only spoke Swahili but I fucking speak English the fucking American kind!!!
Fuck em.
I had a guy in computer school that couldn't make a cable. The guy had breath that would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon yet I was polite and tried to help the fuck. I spent ten minutes trying to get him to understand and he had the audacity to tell me I was wrong. YOU FUCK!! I just wasted my time, which I had because I could do mine, and you tell me I'm wrong? Crawl back in your gene pool and find the ones you lost. While you're fucking at it brush your fucking teeth with something other than cheddar cheese.
Today I had some job protecting fuck quote a policy to me and directed me if I had questions to call him. I have no problem with getting help, but I had read the policy and had to take my valuable time to quote back to him the passages that I was referencing and that he now had one less day to get what I needed before I recommended he be shut down. Howdy fuckin doo!!
Do people really think you just make shit up conspicuously close to something? or do they think you can't possibly know what you're talking about because your mom didn't fuck a General? I mean seriously what are the chances of a guy nailing you with a policy and not know what he's talking about if he describes what he needs in a 5 paragraph message. It'd be one thing if I only spoke Swahili but I fucking speak English the fucking American kind!!!
Fuck em.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
If I were God...I'd have a Midget...
Welcome to the Church of Indifference. There is only one god, B; and his prophet is Pokey; his genetically engineered super strong designer midget that can fly.
I think I could start a religion. I mean the tax breaks alone are worth the effort. I mean who wouldn't follow a guy with a midget side kick?
I think my religion would be of indulgence. You know "Partake of this Krispy Kreme....Drink of this Kool Aid..." I wouldn't leave Pokey out man, you never know what super strong midgets that can fly will do to you. He could throw something really heavy and then fly to something else and throw it. It'd be really hard to preach when dodging statuary. Pokey that dude would be straight crazy.
I think I'd want the carpet in my church to be fluorescent orange or dark blue, I like dark blue man and the stains wouldn't show so much. Yeah. It'd be like that crazy ass church in Tommy with statues of Marilyn Monroe everywhere. Pokey would dig that shit. He'd be a big Marilyn Monroe fan. He'd have a tattoo of her with her skirt blowing on his chest; oh man, and when he lifted super heavy stuff with his super strength it would look like her skirt was actually moving. That Pokey is one crazy son of a bitch, even if he was born in a test tube.
Every Sunday we'd do like a meeting or something where we talked about stuff, really deep stuff. Yeah and Pokey would be performing feats of strength while I was preaching. Like doing a thousand push ups and stuff. That would be crazy.
I'd talk about stuff like science and God and how they mix together to form life and stuff...Yeah that would be crazy. Tom Cruise would want to join me but Pokey would be jealous and would throw him and his limo back to Hollywood. Fucking non-believer Tom Cruise.
I'd give myself magical powers to do cool stuff like make an extra candy bar fall out of the snack machine when I paid for just one...That would be so fucking cool. Pokey could have the one that fell; cause he'd like candy. Dude, I'd have Pokey take the machine and turn it around so nobody could buy the last Dolly Madison Apple Pie before we could buy it...That would be a trip. Fuckin Tom Cruise would be so jealous, cause he doesn't have a super strong flying midget like me.
Yeah I'm going to start my own religion. Look out Bill Nye the Scientology Guy...B and Pokey are coming and we've got super powers BITCH!!! We may even make Spider Man a saint or something, I don't know if he likes football though. We'll see, It'd be real cool.
Fuck em.
I think I could start a religion. I mean the tax breaks alone are worth the effort. I mean who wouldn't follow a guy with a midget side kick?
I think my religion would be of indulgence. You know "Partake of this Krispy Kreme....Drink of this Kool Aid..." I wouldn't leave Pokey out man, you never know what super strong midgets that can fly will do to you. He could throw something really heavy and then fly to something else and throw it. It'd be really hard to preach when dodging statuary. Pokey that dude would be straight crazy.
I think I'd want the carpet in my church to be fluorescent orange or dark blue, I like dark blue man and the stains wouldn't show so much. Yeah. It'd be like that crazy ass church in Tommy with statues of Marilyn Monroe everywhere. Pokey would dig that shit. He'd be a big Marilyn Monroe fan. He'd have a tattoo of her with her skirt blowing on his chest; oh man, and when he lifted super heavy stuff with his super strength it would look like her skirt was actually moving. That Pokey is one crazy son of a bitch, even if he was born in a test tube.
Every Sunday we'd do like a meeting or something where we talked about stuff, really deep stuff. Yeah and Pokey would be performing feats of strength while I was preaching. Like doing a thousand push ups and stuff. That would be crazy.
I'd talk about stuff like science and God and how they mix together to form life and stuff...Yeah that would be crazy. Tom Cruise would want to join me but Pokey would be jealous and would throw him and his limo back to Hollywood. Fucking non-believer Tom Cruise.
I'd give myself magical powers to do cool stuff like make an extra candy bar fall out of the snack machine when I paid for just one...That would be so fucking cool. Pokey could have the one that fell; cause he'd like candy. Dude, I'd have Pokey take the machine and turn it around so nobody could buy the last Dolly Madison Apple Pie before we could buy it...That would be a trip. Fuckin Tom Cruise would be so jealous, cause he doesn't have a super strong flying midget like me.
Yeah I'm going to start my own religion. Look out Bill Nye the Scientology Guy...B and Pokey are coming and we've got super powers BITCH!!! We may even make Spider Man a saint or something, I don't know if he likes football though. We'll see, It'd be real cool.
Fuck em.
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